Chapter Text
Arc 1: Drunk, Depressed, And Having Trouble Sleeping With A Potter [I]
01: Brazilian Styled Knickers.
Nymphadora Tonks was just in her panties, a pair of brazilian styled knickers, with intricate lace patterns, having an open crotch and cut-outs for an extra oomph. She hadn’t looked at the time for a while, but from the looks of it, it was either too late or too early. The ashtray kept on the circular side table was full of cigarette butts. The bottle of firewhisky kept next to it was half empty. But Nymphadora Tonks was not drunk, she was not depressed, and she didn’t have trouble sleeping.
It could have been a few minutes, a couple of hours or the time it takes to blink a tired pair of eyelids, but the next thing she knew the stark darkness of the living room was visibly diminished by the fire place coming alive, green crackling embers rising high, before depositing a dark haired wizard into the middle of the room, who even after all these years to get accustomed to magical means of travel, still stumbled and barely stopped himself from face-planting onto the clean carpet after managing to wrangle himself out of the Floo.
Nymphadora let out a drunken peal of laughter. “I told you a thousand times, Harry. If you have trouble with the Floo, feel free to ring the door bell like a muggle. I’m sure after I’m done laughing my arse off, I would have let you in. Eventually.”
By this point he had been called a number of things in the wizarding world. He had way too many titles and monikers to go around these days. The Daily Prophet came up with something new to call him almost on a weekly basis. It also didn’t help that recently he became the Head of two Ancient and Noble Houses. But to his friends and loved ones he would always be Harry.
After straightening his jacket and dusting off his trousers, he felt self conscious and picked an imaginary piece of lint from his lapels and resumed to adjust his crooked glasses, before taking out his wand and lighting the tip of it with a quick nonverbal spell. When the light shined on his immediate surroundings, his dark green eyes began to take note of everything and as you would expect his training kicked in.
“You’re drunk.” The ‘again’ bit was left unsaid, but Tonks heard it nevertheless and withered a little bit. But Harry wasn’t trying to be judgmental and admonishing her like her own mother or Molly Weasley did these days. No, he wasn’t like that. It was simple really. He was just being worried. “And you haven’t been sleeping properly.”
But Tonks was too far gone to care. “Pssh. That’s all you got from checking me out for an entire minute.” She asked and there was a hint of mockery in her tone. “Gotta say, I’m not too impressed with how your auror training is coming along. What has Madam Bones been teaching you?” A smile stretched on her lips which left nothing to the imagination. “But then again, I don’t know how a mentor-mentee relationship works with her. It’s not like the former head of the DMLE took on a protégé before. It’s not like I begged her to teach me a thing or two when I joined the department.” Tonks added bitterly.
Over the past few months he had learnt a few tricks here and there on how to step over potential landmines, conversation topics which were bound to blow up on your face if you didn’t tread carefully enough. It was just something he had to learn fast, something which came with the territory of being famous and infamous, being loved and hated by the media and the entire wizarding populace. But Harry made the mistake of thinking he was at home, in a safe environment, talking to a friend about how his day had been after the end of a long shift.
“I know what you’re trying to say.” Harry stretched his arm and rotated his shoulder until he heard a satisfying pop. “Amelia can be a bit difficult. She is a hard taskmaster. But at the end of the day, she means well and wants me to become a respectable auror. It’s like she always says, how unlike other departments in the ministry, ours can’t afford to have any bad apples.”
Tonks barely paid attention to a word he said, but even in her drunken stupor a couple of things stood out. No, in fact if she was being really honest, it was just one annoying little detail in particular. “Since when did you start calling her Amelia?” She snapped abruptly. “The last time I checked she was the old, uptight bitch who faked her death and did diddly squat to help with the war effort, before showing up at the very last minute to steal my thunder during the Battle of Hogwarts.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “If by stealing your thunder, you mean saving your life by beating Bellatrix Lestrange in a duel, than yeah, Madam Bones is guilty of doing you a terrible injustice.”
Tonks cooed. “Oooo! Look at you, using all those fancy, learned words, taken straight from the ministry’s pureblood guide book. I could never get the hang of it. But then again, I had old Mad-Eye for a teacher, and he was the farthest thing from a forked tongue snake!” Tonks spat.
Harry narrowed his eyes. “Not that it matters, but Amelia was a Hufflepuff -!”
Tonks had heard enough. “Amelia, Amelia, Amelia! I can’t take it anymore. You are so bloody indecisive, Harry. She’s either ‘Madam Bones’ to you or ‘Amelia’. You can’t have it both ways. Either you hate her for what she did to me, suspending me from the force without pay, so that she can get with the Chosen One and earn some political brownie points, and have a chance in hell to get her old job back. Or you can finally fess up and tell me that all these late night shifts and stake outs are just an excuse so that you two can f*ck behind closed doors in her private office or in the back of some unmarked minivan in a muggle neighbourhood.” She had no memory of doing this, but at some point in time, in the middle of her tirade, Tonks had gotten up on her feet and marched towards Harry. She wasn’t wearing a bra, her breasts were out and the chill made her nipples stand proud, but by this point she didn’t really care about modesty or behaving like a proper witch from a respectable family. None of these things really mattered. All that mattered was – “When did you get so damn big?”
Harry blinked. “Huh?”
Tonks swore colourfully and took a step back. Perhaps it was a trick her mind was playing on her, maybe she had a bit too much to drink, but since when did Harry James Potter become taller than her. Back when they first met, she remembered him being such a scrawny little kid, underfed, malnourished, angry. But that kid went missing sometime during the war. When the dust finally settled and the bad guys were either locked up or dead, Wizarding Britain was introduced to this new man, a hero from some folk fairy tale, broad shouldered, chiseled, strong.
Tonks shook her head to clear her mind of these evasive thoughts and told herself to focus on the matter in hand. She needed to get angry. Yeah, that’s right. She needed to be pissed. “Well, what’s it gonna be Harry? Are you gonna ask Amelia to move in with you? I know 12 Grimmauld Place has way too many bedrooms, but you have another thing coming if you expect me to live with her. No, no, no! Not gonna happen. If she moves in, I will move out. End of discussion.” Tonks laid down an ultimatum, feeling rather smug, because there was no way in hell Harry was kicking her out.
After he took on the Lordship and became the Head of The Ancient and Noble Black House, his first order of business was to right the wrongs of the past generations. It was a tall order, but he started small and kept a good head over his shoulders and after asking the goblins to remove the shrieking, cursing, venom spouting portrait of Walburga Black from the main entrance, he did the unthinkable and somehow managed to convince her mother to annul her marriage with her deceased muggleborn father and take on the title and role and all the responsibilities that came with being Lady Andromeda Black. Harry didn’t have a clue about how wizarding politics worked. He was just a figurehead and it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that her mother ran things from the background and was the real head of the Black family. And what did her mother, the woman who gave birth to her, who supposedly loved her with all her heart and soul do, when she finally had power and control in her life after all these years? Well, she fell back on old habits and annulled her marriage with Remus and made her a member of the Black family as well. Thanks Mum. Guess what they say about Slytherins are true – you can take the woman out of Slytherin, but you can’t take the Slytherin out of the woman.
Harry cleaned the ashtray with a whisk of his wand. Lately he had been getting real good with cleaning charms. Perhaps he should send Molly a thank you note. But he didn’t want to be bombarded with letters, asking when he was finally going to make it official and tie the knot with Ginny. He had other things on his mind right now and last time he checked his girlfriend had decided on behalf of both of them that they were on a break, so that she could focus on her own career for a change. Harry didn’t know how to feel about it. Were they still together? Did they break up? He had no clue. While vanishing the rest of the alcohol from Tonk’s glass, all Harry knew was he had gotten really good with clearing other people’s mess, but he didn’t know how to take care of his own personal problems. Go figures.
“You know you have this habit where you start cleaning things when you want to avoid talking about a subject you don’t like.” Tonks observed. By now she had retreated back to the couch and was lounging on it, trying to get into a comfortable position. Even now she made no attempt to cover herself up or hide her tit*. “My mum has the same habit. What? Have you been seeing her behind my back? Do you have a thing for older woman now, Harry?”
“First Amelia, now Andromeda,” Harry chuckled drily. “Next thing you know, you will pair me up with Molly Weasley.”
Tonks didn’t even hesitate for a second. “Hey! Don’t knock it until you try it, Harry. Besides, judging from the amount of kids she has had, I would say she has quite a healthy sexual appetite. And then there are those child bearing hips.” She let out a low wolf whistle.
Harry scrunched up his face in disgust. “No thanks. I will take your Mum any day of the week.”
“What?!”
Harry held up both his arms in surrender. “It was a joke. Please put the wand down!” Where in the world was she keeping her wand, Harry wondered. She didn’t have a stitch of clothing on her, just clad in a sexy pair of black knickers. Her bare breasts were heaving, she was huffing and puffing and magic oozed out of her and she was beyond livid, not listening to a word he was saying. In the blink of an eye the small circular side table was floating in the air and before he knew it, it began to expand and grow in size and Harry realized a minute too late what she was planning to do – Nymphadora Tonks was going to pummel him to death with a piece of furniture. But because of magic and one really drunk and pissed of witch, he was going to share the same fate as an ant who had the misfortune of coming under a gigantic boot.
“Tonks!!”
Harry didn’t have time to turn around and look for the source of the female voice which shouted her name from the top of the stairs. If he lived through this experience, he should probably take his time and thank this woman properly because for a fraction of a second she managed to distract the heavily intoxicated witch and that was all the luck he needed on his side today, because next thing you know Harry lunged on Tonks and tackled her to the ground.
Tonks shrieked and lost her focus and the circular side table which had grown three sizes too big crashed onto the floor, two of its legs breaking from the impact of falling from such a height. Good. Another mess for him to clean up later. When will he ever catch a break, he wondered. But he already knew the answer to that and he couldn’t help but let a bit of his rage seep into his voice. And this time around Tonks had no choice but to listen.
“You stupid bint.” Harry growled, before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a piece of official looking paper. Which he then proceeded to slam onto her bare breasts with such force that she was momentarily winded. “The reason I’m spending so much time with Madam Bones – Oh, I’m sorry – Amelia - is because I’m trying to get in her good books, so that I can convince her to let you rejoin the auror department. Which is quite an uphill task, because you got drunk, broke into Azkaban and used the Cruciatus Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange.”
“I’m not apologizing.” Tonks fired back. “That bitch deserved far worse. Besides, I did those things during my week off. Madam Bones can’t boss me around when I’m off duty. She’s my boss. Not my mother. And you know what, I probably did the auror department a favour. If I can break into Azkaban while being drunk, then you can bet your ass that the Death Eaters can break out just as easily. And I don’t know why the hell Amelia got her panties in a bunch over me torturing my demented aunt. She’s already crazy, I can’t make her more crazy by putting her through the Cruciatus Cruse. Besides, as far as I’m considered, it’s a family matter.” She growled. “Outsiders can butt out!”
“I’m not an outsider.” Harry snapped. “I’m the Head of The Black House. We are family!”
Nymphadora shouted back. “Well, unlike my mum, I still consider myself a Tonks. So I hate to break it to you, Harry, but we are not a family. You are still a bloody orphan! You just happen to be a war hero too nowadays.”
It was a low blow. Harry looked like he had been slapped in the face. Twice. But before things could get even more ugly and the two of them did something they might actually regret later, the sound of an abnormally loud gong echoed in the living room and it made them stop their tirade quite abruptly.
“Okay, time out you guys.” The witch remarked. She was standing next to the gong which looked really out of place in the middle of the living room. But it was better than the unnaturally big side table. For some reason it was nowhere to be seen. Good riddance. She probably transfigured the thing into the gong. Nice bit of spell work, flair for the dramatics, short dark hair with purple highlights at the end, no doubt one of her friends. “I was kinda hoping to let this all play out, because frankly it’s none of my f*cking business. But you guys said some pretty hurtful and messed up sh*t. I mean Merlin’s beard Tonks, you broke into Azkaban and tortured Bellatrix Lestrange. I thought you got suspended, because you were drunk on the job. What the f*ck, Tonks!”
Harry had let out a surprised yelp and jumped back onto his feet. It was good to see his seeker reflexes were still sharp. Nymphadora on the other hand had taken her sweet time to get up. In fact, Harry was pretty sure she was being lazy and acting lethargic and being a bloody nuisance by displaying her tit* to this complete stranger on purpose just to annoy him further.
Harry was no blushing virgin, but between the two of them, he would be the one considered a prude. As such, Tonks was not remotely surprised when she was hit in the face with his jacket and she let out the small ‘Hey!’ just out of habit.
“Cover yourself up.” Using the corner of his mouth, he tried to whisper. “You didn’t tell me we had company.”
Tonks rolled her eyes and tried in vain to do something about the jacket, but she was so out of it, both drunk and drowsy, that she might as well be a helpless little child in need of a parent to get properly dressed before pleasant company. In fact, she had no idea that she was trying to get her head through the arm hole. But she was too proud to ask for Harry’s help, even though he wouldn’t hold it against her in the future and embarrass her before her mother the next time she dropped by for a visit.
Instead, she snarked. “Would you relax already. You’re acting like I invited a snake back into our house in the middle of the night to hatch some evil scheme to kill you and bring back Voldemort. If you didn’t have such a sh*tty memory, you would have probably remembered her. You have met her before. She used to be in The Order. In fact, she was a part of the Advance Guard which brought you to 12 Grimmauld Place, back when this place used to be the HQ of the Order. It was during the beginning of your Fifth Year, remember?”
Now that he thought about it, the witch did look awfully familiar, and what Tonks said explained a lot, but he still couldn’t remember her name, which he didn’t need to be told, was extremely rude of him. But thankfully the witch came to his rescue and saved him from further embarrassment.
“It’s fine if you don’t remember me, Harry.” The witch remarked with a kind smile. “It was a long time ago, and you had a lot of things going on. Besides, I feel like a completely new person now. After the war, I decided to give myself a new makeover. A new age, a new me and what not. Do you like my hair?” She said while fluffing out her curly mane, bringing more attention to the coloured highlights.
Harry was kinda dumb when it came to these sort of things, so he just nodded along. “It’s nice. Purple’s a good colour.”
Her face fell. “It’s actually Lavender.” She replied.
Dear God, he messed up. Now how was he gonna remedy the situation. Think Harry, think. “Um,” I know a witch named Lavender, does that count, he though. No, that sounded like something Ron would say.
But then Harry spied her expression change a smidge and a small smile began to slip onto her lips and her whole sad and dejected façade cracked completely. After about a minute, he was finally able to get what was really going on.
“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”
The witch raised both her hands in surrender. “Guilty.” She remarked casually. “The name’s Hestia Jones by the way. You can call me Hestia. Unlike Tonks, I actually like my first name.”
Harry shook her hand with a smile of his own and a shake of his head. “Now you are definitely a friend of Tonks. But what brings you to 12 Grimmauld Place so early in the morning? Or should I say in the middle of the night? Did Tonks need a drinking buddy to bitch and moan about the fact that she is currently unemployed and doesn’t have a roof over her head.”
Before Hestia could answer, Tonks cut in, plastering a huge, big smile on her face which was equally parts biting and sweet. “As always, you’re half right, Potter. Hestia’s a f*ck buddy of mine. I called her over so I could work out some of the frustration in my system and relieve some of the tension from my nerves. I believe the muggles call it ‘bang one out’. Well we definitely banged alright. But not just once. I mean that sh*t sounds ridiculous. Why would you ‘bang’ only once? That sounds like you put in a ton of legwork, but in the end didn’t make the most of the situation. You should definitely bang three or four times. Or at least more than once. I mean have you looked at Hestia? She’s smoking hot! And I’m definitely a solid 10!”
“Eh,” Hestia scrunched up her face and pretended to think for a moment. “I would say you are an okay 8.”
Tonks was flabbergasted. “What the hell are you saying? Have you lost your damn mind? I’m so not an 8!”
Hestia shrugged her shoulders. “You lose some points for your rotten personality. It’s definitely an acquired taste. Oh, and there’s also the fact that you left me alone in your huge bed. I mean there was no cuddling, no pillow talk, no little note left on the bedside table with a sweet message, letting me know where you are, after I woke up and found you missing from bed.” She let a smile sit on her lips. It was a pleasant smile, not a fake one. “Should have known, you were a little heartbreaker, Nym.”
Nymphadora blushed crimson red and wrapped the jacket tightly around her naked frame and then she turned and glared at the only other person in the room who she thought was to be blamed for this entire situation. “This is all your fault Harry!”
Harry blinked in confusion. “What? What do you mean it’s my fault?”
Tonks brushed past him and walked towards the gong and started working on transfiguring it back to the object it previously was while letting Harry take the brunt of her annoyance and anger in the form of a rant. “You’re right. It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. This is what I get for trying to be a little nice to you for a change. Because last time when I had a guy over to spend the night and you found out about it in the morning, you blew a bloody gasket and started interrogating him like he was some f*cking Death Eater.”
“Stan Shunpike was a Death Eater -” Harry began.
“He was Imperiused!” Tonks snapped back.
Harry knew it was true, but he ignored her. “Nevertheless, you can’t expect me not to get worried about your safety. Look at it from my perspective, Tonks. I came back home after working the night shift and found a bloke in my living room, standing in his underwear. With the Dark Mark tattooed on his arm. I would have killed him had you not stepped in to save him.”
Tonks chuckled. By now she was able to turn the gong back to the circular side table. But it was thrice as big in size. And it had two of its legs broken. “And here I thought you got scared by Stan’s pasty white arse in those tighty-whities.”
Harry shrugged. “You can’t tell me he didn’t look like a damn pervert.”
“Oh, Stan’s definitely a pervert.” Tonks remarked casually. “You know he likes to stick his wand up his-”
Hestia Jones cleared her throat loudly. It was for the best, because Harry was prepared to fire a stunner at Tonks and drop her to the cold hard floor and leave her there for the next half an hour. And he wouldn’t have felt even remotely guilty about it either.
Hestia took over from Tonks and started to shrink the circular side table to its normal dimensions. “So let me get this straight, Nym. You slept with Stan Shunpike, the conductor of the Knight Bus. Which is kinda yucky. What, was Dung not available at the moment or something?”
“Ew!” Tonks made a face. “I have some standards. I wouldn’t sleep with Dung, even if they offered me to become the next head of the DMLE.”
“Good to know.” Hestia said. “So, moving on. After you had a one-night stand with Stan Shunpike, the bloke wasn’t able to make a smooth getaway and was literally caught with his pants down by Harry Potter, Lord of the Most Ancient and Noble Black House and the owner of 12 Grimmauld Place, who also happens to be an auror in training.”
“Actually I finished my training. I’m a-”
Hestia ignored Harry completely. “Moving on. Like you said Nym, Harry overreacted. Who wouldn’t? I would have called the bloody aurors if I found a strange bloke in my living room, standing in his bloody underwear. But here’s the thing, you two happen to be aurors.”
“Actually, I’m suspended from the force.” Nymphadora remarked. “Without pay.”
“Not anymore.” Harry remarked offhandedly. “You have been reinstated.” He said in an undertone. “You’re welcome.”
Hestia ignored the two. “So, using all your multitude of skills and badass auror training and your infinite wisdom, you Nymphadora Tonks came to the conclusion that Harry Potter has a problem with Stan Shunpike, because he happens to be a bloke and doesn’t want to see his hairy arse cheeks first thing in the morning after working the night shift.”
“Well -” Harry began, a bit unsure of himself.
“Absolutely!” Tonks blurted out with certainty. “I was doing him a favour.”
The circular side table was back to its normal size and with a quick whisk its legs were no longer broken and reattached themselves. Hestia Jones needed to sit down. To check her spell work. And also, because she was dealing with a bunch of idiots. “So let me get this straight. Nymphadora Tonks, you shagged me silly all night and later, left me alone in bed, so that you could come down here and wait for Harry Potter, so that he doesn’t come back to the feeling of an empty house. Now I could be wrong, but did you want me to bump into Harry in the morning, so that he would have something nice to look at, you know, instead of the horror he faced when staring down Stan Shunpike in his tighty-whities?”
Nymphadora loosened her grip on Harry’s jacket. Now she wasn’t nearly as drunk as before and she was able to pick up on his scent. The jacket was big, it managed to cover what needed to be covered and Harry smelt nice. “Like I said, I was trying to do something nice for a change. But I didn’t want you to meet Harry in this way. He’s a bit of a prude.”
“No I’m not!” Harry shouted.
Hestia smiled. “Thank God, I decided to get properly dressed, before I came down the stairs to see what all the hullabaloo was about. I can’t imagine how Harry would have reacted if he had seen me in my tighty-whities.”
Tonks snorted. “Don’t get it twisted. Harry’s still a bloke.” She punched him lightly on his upper arm, to which he let out a faint ‘ow’. The sour mood from before had all but evaporated from the residents of the old manor house. Like always, it seemed like when all hope was lost, morning had come to pass on 12 Grimmauld Place after all. “He would probably think of something perverted. Like we were asking him to join us for a kinky threesome.” Tonks gave him a look, a slow once over. “Isn’t that right, Harry?”
Harry decided to play along and rubbed his chin. But in the end, he decided he was dead tired and just wanted to sleep through the rest of the morning. “Good night, Tonks. Please don’t lose the document I gave you. It was a bitch, convincing Amelia to let you rejoin the force. And remember to sign it. With your full name.” He looked at her friend and managed a polite smile. “It was nice meeting you Hestia.”
Hestia Jones nodded in return with a smile of her own. “So that’s a no on the potential threesome. Okay. I get it.” She stated without taking any offense. “How about a little party? To celebrate Nym getting her old job back.”
By now Harry was really tried and all he wanted to do was lie down on his bed and sleep for a good three or four hours. He wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation. But from what he heard, it sounded like a good idea. He didn’t like parties. But Tonks loved to party. Or at least she used to. Before the war.
He wasn’t really thinking straight. “Sure.” He found himself agreeing to a potentially bad idea. “Let’s have a party. Tonks can send the letters and organize everything. I will just show up on time.”
Before Tonks could object to the whole absurd idea, Hestia shushed her with a powerful silencing spell and this time her smile was bright and cheerful and all teeth. Like that of a killer clown.
“Sure Harry.” She told him amicably. “You do just that.”
And without thinking anymore about it, Harry began his long trek up the stairs to reach the master bedroom, while Tonks animatedly moved her arms and legs, kicking and screaming in silence until she ushered Hestia back to the fireplace and literally shoved her into the Floo where the flames took her back to her apartment.
And when her friend smiled, while being engulfed in green flames, mouthing something embarrassing which made Tonks blush to her roots, the newly reinstated auror did the most sensible thing imaginable - Nymphadora flipped her off.
